Andre Morrevi

Self confidence is the difference between feeling unstoppable and feeling scared out of your wits. Your perception of yourself has an enormous impact on how others perceive you. Perception is reality — the more self confidence you have, the more likely it is you’ll succeed.

Although many of the factors affecting self confidence are beyond your control, there are a number of things you can consciously do to build self confidence. By using these 10 strategies you can get the mental edge you need to reach your potential.

Build Self Confidence

1. Dress Sharp

Although clothes don’t make the man, they certainly affect the way he feels about himself. No one is more conscious of your physical appearance than you are. When you don’t look good, it changes the way you carry yourself and interact with other people. Use this to your advantage by taking care of your personal appearance. In most cases, significant improvements can be made by bathing and shaving frequently, wearing clean clothes, and being cognizant of the latest styles.

This doesn’t mean you need to spend a lot on clothes. One great rule to follow is “spend twice as much, buy half as much”. Rather than buying a bunch of cheap clothes, buy half as many select, high quality items. In long run this decreases spending because expensive clothes wear out less easily and stay in style longer than cheap clothes. Buying less also helps reduce the clutter in your closet.

2. Walk Faster

One of the easiest ways to tell how a person feels about herself is to examine her walk. Is it slow? tired? painful? Or is it energetic and purposeful? People with confidence walk quickly. They have places to go, people to see, and important work to do. Even if you aren’t in a hurry, you can increase your self confidence by putting some pep in your step. Walking 25% faster will make to you look and feel more important.

3. Good Posture

Similarly, the way a person carries herself tells a story. People with slumped shoulders and lethargic movements display a lack of self confidence. They aren’t enthusiastic about what they’re doing and they don’t consider themselves important. By practicing good posture, you’ll automatically feel more confident. Stand up straight, keep your head up, and make eye contact. You’ll make a positive impression on others and instantly feel more alert and empowered.

4. Personal Commercial

One of the best ways to build confidence is listening to a motivational speech. Unfortunately, opportunities to listen to a great speaker are few and far between. You can fill this need by creating a personal commercial. Write a 30-60 second speech that highlights your strengths and goals. Then recite it in front of the mirror aloud (or inside your head if you prefer) whenever you need a confidence boost.

5. Gratitude

When you focus too much on what you want, the mind creates reasons why you can’t have it. This leads you to dwell on your weaknesses. The best way to avoid this is consciously focusing on gratitude. Set aside time each day to mentally list everything you have to be grateful for. Recall your past successes, unique skills, loving relationships, and positive momentum. You’ll be amazed how much you have going for you and motivated to take that next step towards success.

6. Compliment other people

When we think negatively about ourselves, we often project that feeling on to others in the form of insults and gossip. To break this cycle of negativity, get in the habit of praising other people. Refuse to engage in backstabbing gossip and make an effort to compliment those around you. In the process, you’ll become well liked and build self confidence. By looking for the best in others, you indirectly bring out the best in yourself.

7. Sit in the front row
In schools, offices, and public assemblies around the world, people constantly strive to sit at the back of the room. Most people prefer the back because they’re afraid of being noticed. This reflects a lack of self confidence. By deciding to sit in the front row, you can get over this irrational fear and build your self confidence. You’ll also be more visible to the important people talking from the front of the room.

8. Speak up

During group discussions many people never speak up because they’re afraid that people will judge them for saying something stupid. This fear isn’t really justified. Generally, people are much more accepting than we imagine. In fact most people are dealing with the exact same fears. By making an effort to speak up at least once in every group discussion, you’ll become a better public speaker, more confident in your own thoughts, and recognized as a leader by your peers.

9. Work out

Along the same lines as personal appearance, physical fitness has a huge effect on self confidence. If you’re out of shape, you’ll feel insecure, unattractive, and less energetic. By working out, you improve your physcial appearance, energize yourself, and accomplish something positive. Having the discipline to work out not only makes you feel better, it creates positive momentum that you can build on the rest of the day.

10. Focus on contribution

Too often we get caught up in our own desires. We focus too much on ourselves and not enough on the needs of other people. If you stop thinking about yourself and concentrate on the contribution you’re making to the rest of the world, you won’t worry as much about you own flaws. This will increase self confidence and allow you to contribute with maximum efficiency. The more you contribute to the world the more you’ll be rewarded with personal success and recognition.

P.S See this video 2 times a day and discovery new things.

A couple months ago when I wrote about investing time wisely and the concept of multiple positives many readers commented, saying that an excellent way to educate yourself and spice up an otherwise boring workout is listening to audio books and podcasts while you hit the gym. It also works great for beating the boredom while you’re stuck in traffic during your daily commute.

To help you find the best audio content the web has to offer, I’ve compiled a list of resources for free audio books and podcasts on a wide range of interesting topics. Enjoy, and you if know of any good sites I’ve overlooked, please leave a link in the comments.

Free Audio Book Downloads

LibriVox, if you don’t know it already, is the king of free audio books. You can use the catalog to search through their library of nearly 1000 works, all part of the public domain. If you’re feeling generous, you can even contribute wiki-style by recording audio of your own.

AudioBooksForFree also has a big catalog to sort through, with an emphasis on classic works, but a decent amount of mystery, sci-fi, and thriller as well. The only catch here is that you’ll have to pay for quality: the lowest quality downloads are free but anything better than 8 Kbps costs $5-8.

If you’re looking specifically for classics, FreeClassicAudioBooks is a nice little resource. Although the library isn’t huge, there are a lot of big names. They also offer the convenience of downloading in an iPod-ready format.

Who knew that on top of all that print content, ProjectGutenberg also has a huge audio section? They’ve got everything from Aesop to Zola, including a decent number of works in French, German, and other languages.

LearnOutLoud has over 500 educational titles and offers a lot of video as well.

The bright side here is that you can probably get almost any older work in the public domain for free. If what you’re looking for is a bit more modern you’ll either have to shell out a few dollars or try to find a relevant podcast.

Free Podcast Downloads

For iTunes users, the fastest and simplest way to find podcasts and load them directly to your iPod is through iTunes Store. Just click on the podcasts button in the store and you’ll be taken to a huge podcast directory. The trick is finding what you actually want.

If you’re looking for a particular subject, The Educational Podcast Network has a big list of subject specific podcasts that cover most academic topics.

If you could use a few personal recommendations, this thread on AskMetafilter points out a number of educational and entertaining podcasts. NPR has a nice collection of informative podcasts too.

Other good sources include the PodcastDirectory and Yahoo! Podcasts, which allows you to browse by popularity and user ratings.

For the tech savvy reader looking to catch up on the latest buzz, I’d also recommend checking out Digg’s podcast section.

Andre Morrevi

To go past the mark is as wrong as to fall short.

-Confucius

Could you believe that the ideal person is never the best at anything? Our heads are so full of delusions about wealth and power that we run ourselves ragged trying to out do each other. We spin our wheels until we burn ourselves out and are left hopeless and exhausted.

There is great pressure to attain the highest level of achievement. We want to be the richest, most beautiful, and most well-liked because these virtues are glorified. But by indulging our vanity we do ourselves more harm than good. The only way to achieve sustainable happiness is to practice the Golden Mean.

The idea of the Golden Mean has existed for thousands of years. It is at the core of both Eastern and Western philosophy and is central to the teachings of Aristotle and Confucius. The idea is simple. Every quality has extremes at both ends. The Golden Mean is the natural balance between these extremes. At this harmonious point goodness and beauty are achieved.

Socrates used the example of extreme devotion to athletics versus extreme devotion to music to illustrate this idea. The athlete becomes overly aggressive and ferocious, while the musician becomes overly soft and effeminate. The ideal is someone who practices both athletics and music in moderation and acquires a harmonious mixture of both qualities.

Consider an example from modern times that I’m sure everyone has observed. The first person is extremely career driven. Each day he focuses on advancing himself. He spends long hours at the office, competes mercilessly with his coworkers, and flatters his superiors. As a result he has almost no personal life. The second person’s only pursuit is leisure. He likes to waste time with his friends watching television and playing video games.

Which of these persons is superior? Many people would argue for the hard worker. But at second glance his life is rather cold. His obsession with success has alienated his coworkers and left him without a family. He may become rich, but how will he enjoy it? The second man is no better. He has wasted his life in laziness. He has refused to develop himself and exists as a parasitic leech. Both men are worthy of pity.

I think we’d all agree the ideal would be somewhere in between these two people. So how do we find the elusive Golden Mean? The bad news: it takes years of trial and error get it perfect, but fortunately, we can all improve if we try.

It all starts with setting the right goals. Whenever you make a goal you need to do it with the right intention. Don’t set goals with the intent to dominate other people. This type of goal setting is ego driven and pulls you away from the mean. Instead, try to start with a goal that is in between total selfishness and total selflessness. If you are helping yourself and other people at the same time you can draw motivation from your ego driven side and from the part of you that wants to work for the common good. This type of goal setting is effective because whenever you start to lose motivation in one area you can draw from the other.

The next step to reaching the Golden Mean is knowing your limits. You need to know when that next drink is going to put you over the edge or when one more project is going to stress you out. The idea is to maintain balance at all times. You need to police yourself to avoid extremity. If you know when you are inclined to stray you have a head start on achieving balance.

Another step to achieving the Golden Mean is being aware of your personal needs. Sure we need money and success, but having good relationships with friends and family are just as important. Whenever you find yourself unhappy, take a moment to reflect on the reason. You will likely find that you have drifted over to one extreme and are feeling the consequences.

I know the Golden Mean is hard to live by, but it is the key to finding your inner confidence. Ben Franklin said, “The wise learn from the mistakes of others, fools, scarcely from their own.” Next time you find yourself willing to do anything to be the best of the best, take a moment to reconsider. You may find it is better to be the best “you” you can be.

Consider some of the choices that impact our lives on a daily basis:

• Do I stay up late hanging out with friends, or go to sleep and be productive tomorrow?
• Do I eat out because it’s easy, or cook at home and save money?
• Should I work late and get ahead, or enjoy the beautiful spring weather?

Each of these choices boils down to a simple question. Do I want to enjoy the present moment or plan for the future?

These are all difficult decisions because both answers have their merits. The present moment is fleeting and immediate, while the future is constantly hanging overhead. Part of us is constantly begging for indulgence while another part is worried that we’re falling behind and won’t be able to recover. Satisfying both sides requires balance.

It’s tempting to simplify our lives by choosing an extreme and applying it to every decision. How many people live from pleasure to pleasure trying to “live life to the fullest”, only to realize 10 years later that they’ve wasted all their time and money and have nothing to show for it? On the other hand, who envies the miser who’d rather save a few dollars than enjoy the company of friends and family? Foolish extravagance and cold hearted stinginess both make miserable people.

Making Conscious Decisions

Finding balance is the art of living. It can’t be taught, but we can develop it within ourselves as we gain wisdom and experience. The first step is consciously examining everyday decisions. We’re so absorbed by routine that we continue doing things without thinking about them. Fortunately, when a bad decision pushes us off balance we can tell because it makes us unhappy.

Next time you feel a part of your routine isn’t the right decision, ask yourself a few questions:

• Why did I start doing this? Does it satisfy a present urge or provide for the future?
• Does it still fulfill the same desire it did when I started doing it? Does the benefit still outweigh the cost?
• If not, what else should I be doing?

A simple review often provides the best answer. We already know the truth, but we’re blinded by routine. Taking a serious look at our behavior makes bad decisions hard to ignore. Asking these questions regularly helps us refine our behavior and every tiny increment of progress takes us closer to the elusive Golden Mean.

If you want to make things happen the ability to motivate yourself and others is a crucial skill. At work, home, and everywhere in between, people use motivation to get results. Motivation requires a delicate balance of communication, structure, and incentives. These 21 tactics will help you maximize motivation in yourself and others.

Motivation

1. Consequences – Never use threats. They’ll turn people against you. But making people aware of the negative consequences of not getting results (for everyone involved) can have a big impact. This one is also big for self motivation. If you don’t get your act together, will you ever get what you want?

2. Pleasure – This is the old carrot on a stick technique. Providing pleasurable rewards creates eager and productive people.

3. Performance incentives – Appeal to people’s selfish nature. Give them the opportunity to earn more for themselves by earning more for you.

4. Detailed instructions – If you want a specific result, give specific instructions. People work better when they know exactly what’s expected.

5. Short and long term goals – Use both short and long term goals to guide the action process and create an overall philosophy.

6. Kindness – Get people on your side and they’ll want to help you. Piss them off and they’ll do everything they can to screw you over.

7. Deadlines – Many people are most productive right before a big deadline. They also have a hard time focusing until that deadline is looming overhead. Use this to your advantage by setting up a series of mini-deadlines building up to an end result.

8. Team Spirit – Create an environment of camaraderie. People work more effectively when they feel like part of team — they don’t want to let others down.

10. Recognize achievement – Make a point to recognize achievements one-on-one and also in group settings. People like to see that their work isn’t being ignored.

11. Personal stake – Think about the personal stake of others. What do they need? By understanding this you’ll be able to keep people happy and productive.

12. Concentrate on outcomes – No one likes to work with someone standing over their shoulder. Focus on outcomes — make it clear what you want and cut people loose to get it done on their own.

13. Trust and Respect – Give people the trust and respect they deserve and they’ll respond to requests much more favorably.

14. Create challenges – People are happy when they’re progressing towards a goal. Give them the opportunity to face new and difficult problems and they’ll be more enthusiastic.

15. Let people be creative – Don’t expect everyone to do things your way. Allowing people to be creative creates a more optimistic environment and can lead to awesome new ideas.

16. Constructive criticism – Often people don’t realize what they’re doing wrong. Let them know. Most people want to improve and will make an effort once they know how to do it.

17. Demand improvement – Don’t let people stagnate. Each time someone advances raise the bar a little higher (especially for yourself).

18. Make it fun – Work is most enjoyable when it doesn’t feel like work at all. Let people have fun and the positive environment will lead to better results.

19. Create opportunities – Give people the opportunity to advance. Let them know that hard work will pay off.

20. Communication – Keep the communication channels open. By being aware of potential problems you can fix them before a serious dispute arises.

21. Make it stimulating – Mix it up. Don’t ask people to do the same boring tasks all the time. A stimulating environment creates enthusiasm and the opportunity for “big picture” thinking.

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